Are you a recently widowed empty nester dreading the holidays? Worrying that those “merry” moments will leave you feeling anything but? I’m right there with you, and I want you to know you’re not alone in this. Holidays can feel daunting, but we can approach them together, one small step at a time.

Over time, I’ve gathered a few tools to help us navigate emotional triggers and moments of overwhelm that often arise during the season. Here are a few that I hope will offer you comfort and guidance through the holidays.

Why the Holidays Hit Hard 🍂

Ever wondered why the holidays feel so overwhelming? Studies, such as “Complicated Grief and Bereavement-Related Depression as Distinct Disorders,” reveal how grief can intensify during this time. Holidays can put a spotlight on an emotional wound, especially for those of us carrying the weight of loss. Here’s why:

• Traditions Highlight Absence: The rituals we once loved now make the empty seat at the table even more noticeable.

• Social Expectations: The world expects joy, which can deepen our loneliness.

• Sensory Triggers: Familiar scents, songs, or even chilly air can evoke a rush of bittersweet memories.

• Reflection: As the year closes, we tend to reflect on what we’ve lost and what’s changed.

• Quiet Moments: With fewer daily distractions, grief sometimes finds its way to the forefront.

For me, holiday music is both a comfort and a trigger—it reminds me of joyful times but also what’s missing. Sound familiar?

Holiday Support Kit: Gentle Tools for Difficult Days

Here are two simple, approachable steps I keep in my Holiday Support Kit to help ease you through those tough moments.

Tool #1 - “Memory Boxes” 🌱
A Memory Box is a simple way to honor and manage memories. Choose a container and fill it with keepsakes that remind you of your loved one. When you’re hit with a wave of nostalgia or sorrow, place an item in the box, letting it be a release. These small actions create a comforting ritual that allows us to cherish the memories while giving space to the feelings that come with them.

Tool #2 - “Holiday Trigger List” 🍁
A “Trigger List” helps you anticipate and manage those sensory or situational reminders that may bring up a mix of emotions. Make a list of your holiday-related triggers—songs, scents, or activities that might bring up feelings of grief. Being aware of these in advance helps you prepare. Here’s a small example: Last year, I approached decorating the Christmas tree in stages, a little each day, giving myself time to adjust. Taking it down with a family member turned out to be a beautiful, shared experience.

Share Your Thoughts and Connect

What triggers have you noticed during the holidays? Share in the comments if you’d like—this community is here to support each other, and we can explore ways to approach these moments together.

If you’d like more tips like these and additional resources for coping through the season, join my email list. I’ll be sending out tools and ideas that can help bring a bit more peace and ease to your holiday season. Just click here to join.